Its Amazing to see how you can divert the conversation altogether when they say things differently, or when someone which is misunderstood, gets suddenly understanded. And since our relations are based largely on communication, can completely skew the course of the relationship by changing the media.
What is surprising is that just as you are in constant communication with others longer, workplaces, cooperative companies, cooperative relationships, so it is important to pay attention to the words and the meaning they perceive in others.
One would think that after so much time could be spared this attention because we know so well each other.
Who needs to think about how things are said, after years of professional or personal relationship?
Well actually, after years of contact that begins to make more sense of their own. Much communication is nonverbal, and quite often exchange glances to come to an understanding. The danger is that the words “break down”, ie getting meanings balances, and the other could hear them rather than what they meant to him.
Nonverbal glance, a slight smile, or a brow lift can carry meaning redundant and get immediate unnecessary interpretation. These interpretations often just add to the confusion rather than clarify the media.
One of the problems caused by blasts in the media is that each side sees the his perspective and thinks that if the other would see things from the perspective everything was working out. A situation that prevents the view or listen to someone else’s idea, no desire to hear and understand the other’s point of view. It is important to pay attention not only to the way the media but also its contents. Is this content expressing trust, respect, understanding and cooperation, or whether they express a need to control, being right at all costs, mistrust, fear and lack of cooperation?
The inability to communicate correctly causes a condition of a monologue in which each side actually talking to himself, he does not listen to the other, not respect his opinion, did not take into account professional and personal abilities and wants only his opinion heard. Effective communication goal is to move from the two who speak to themselves: a monologue, a state of two speak to each other: dialogue. But it will take some basic tools.
Communication is always between the two sides and has two components: to hear and be heard. Communication Everyone needs to feel heard, to hear each other and inform him that.
Proper communication management need three basic elements:
1. The desire to understand the other: to understand what the other feels, mean and think. You do not have to agree with him but you have to want to understand it.
2. Clarity, conciseness and directness: We all fall into the trap of over-extending or shortening the rest, when we try to explain our position. Usually we talk endlessly out of a desire to ensure that a Shihin show
The point of our eyes, this is over-extending. However, when we feel misunderstood that have a tendency to throw in the towel and wrap themselves in silence. We refuse to talk and settle in the body language that we expect the other to understand, this is the abbreviation rest. These two extremes interfere with the creation of dialogue. When we are extending too much and getting into great detail, as we repeat ourselves we are exhausting the other side and he stops to listen. People tend to understand the main idea and move on. Even the other extreme that interferes with a person face who do not understand it is discouraged and stopped to explain himself. But without communication it is impossible, then it goes through non-verbal communication: doors slamming, angry facial expressions, referring back sheet.
One of the keys to healthy dialogue is the key word I use, you do not say to the other: “Your idea about the specific changes in the department is not good …. you’re wrong ….” but “I think it’s better this and that ….” So you’re talking about yourself, what you think, feel and want. Every sentence begins with the words “you”, “your”, “never”, “always”, is probably the sentence of a complaint or attack. Complaint you try to control and defeat the other. Attack is another way to achieve your goals. Perhaps you tried to use the complaint it did not help so now you’re trying to attack. The assumption behind this attack is that if the other feel guilty, bad, wrong, will I get my own. This is another attempt to dominate and win.
3. feedback: You may want to understand each other and to speak in sentences of “I” clear, direct and brief. But if you do not use all the time the feedback you get into difficulties. Feedback means to ask the other if understood correctly, make sure the things by repeating what you hear to get permission that understanding. Through the use of feedback you force yourself not to listen to both your inner speech. Feedback means asking: “Do you mean that …? “” Do I understand correctly …? “You’re waiting for the approval of your partner before proceeding. Feedback requires you to stop and listen, require you to suspend your usual response format, or the immediate response and pay attention to what the other says. So hear him as he really wants to be heard.